I saw this quote float by on the interwebs not too long ago, and it gave me pause to reflect.
“Compassion can never coexist with judgment because judgment creates the distance, the distinction, which prevents us from being with the other.”
-Henri Nouwen
On the contrary, I think compassion and judgment are inextricably linked.
Part of the problem, of course, is the postmodern rewriting of the definition of “judgment.” The word has become laden with interpersonal static never found in its dictionary definition. Instead of referring to the exercise of insight and discretion, it has been co-opted to mean a self-aggrandizing attitude of false and undeserved moral superiority. If that were the true definition of the word, then Nouwen’s remark would be valid — it’s pretty hard to stir a dose of compassion into an attitude like that.
But the most compassionate thing anyone can do for another is to exercise insight and discretion.
Yes, it’s possible to verbally bludgeon someone with the brute force of one’s insights, and I have a limited tolerance for that kind of behaviour. But beyond questions of grace in speech, judgment is a grace.
Real grace enters with power and authority, however quietly.
It’s not mere honesty. Honesty can be honestly wrong. And judgment is something different than bluntness. It’s not made more or less authoritative by how it’s spoken, in and of itself, though finding the right approach for differently tuned ears matters very much.
As a grace, judgment must be inextricably bound up with truth.
But Nouwen is fundamentally correct about one of the potential side effects of judgment: It can create distance and distinction between us and its subject.
I should hope so. I do hope that the exercise of insight and discretion fosters distance and distinction between myself and my petty crimes against humanity. I hope it leads me away from those things. I hope it transforms my tendencies, my assumptions and the poor social mechanisms which have at times been my crutches.
It’s my goal that judgment should prevent me from being “with” those things.
The only time it should ever prevent me from being “with” a person is when they cling to wrongdoing at the expense of peaceful relationships: when they choose to go down with the sinking ships of life.
There’s a fly in the ointment there, because it’s extremely hard to find good people. I’d argue that’s because there are none. No one’s perfect. We’re all petty criminals in need of truth, insight, correction…judgment.
Perhaps the best we can do is to exchange insights, and to practice discretion. To make mutual commitments to painful truth.
In that sense, I have been labelled judgmental a couple of times, and folk are welcome to complain. But let’s be clear: it’s not for lack of compassion. It’s because of it.
Very well said! The redefining of words today are creating massive amounts of confusion, ill feelings and bad law. I would dare say a lack of education and critical thinking is becoming our undoing as a society. (Of course sin is behind it all)
Thanks, Joni.
I suppose if I put my strictly logical hat on, as opposed to my sociological hat, it could be said that Nouwen’s assertion is inherently self-defeating. If judgment is as redefined in this context, then his judgment about judgment renders compassion impossible, and is a way of creating distance and distinction (which are implied to be sins of pride and/or hate) between himself and those who exercise judgment.
Are you being judgemental about his judgement?
Totally.
Ah, yes, I love the new playing of semantics with words. Judgement is a classic word that’s been all twisted into something else. My other favorite is “discrimination” which is very related to “judgement.” I discriminate all the time against lots of things and people. For instance, a couple months back I discovered that our babysitter’s father was a convicted child molester. She failed to provide that information and took other clients’ children over to his home. I totally discriminated against her and fired her (oddly, her other client did not.) Other fun words are “Chemical” as in “This product contains no Chemicals” say two thirds of the cleaning products at the health-food store. “Really?” I wonder “Then what’s it made out of?” H2O, the building block of nearly everything on Earth, is a chemical and here are my hippie dippy, organic-crunchy friends declaring chemicals are bad, bad, bad news. Good luck with that. Thanks for the insight, I’ll think carefully on it and judge it based on its merits. Whoops.
LOL! Politically correct language truly does dippy things to us, doesn’t it?
And ick with the sitter’s dad, and good for you!! I can’t imagine continuing to send my children into a situation like that, once it was known.
“Thanks for the insight, I’ll think carefully on it and judge it based on its merits.”
Excellent! 
> Other fun words are “Chemical”
Or “Organic,” as in, “I don’t want to pay extra for organic apples. May I have a bag of inorganic apples?”
Instead of Judgement I try to prefer the word discernment, to discern is to correctly assess a situation with sound reasoning. Judgement in the legal sense of the word is judicial or governmental and being mere humans we are not righteous enough to judge nor do we have the authority. Only God judges with mercy and compassion.
I can however make as many personal judgements as I like, but I should not judge another person unless I would have my own sin exposed (just some thoughts on the matter).