The Demise of Pepe Le Pew in Hicksville

There are some places an urbane gentleman just shouldn’t go. If he has white stripes and a particular odour, then our front step is one such unsavoury and dangerous neighbourhood.

It was a dark and stormy night, and SuperDave and I retired early after a long and exhausting day. Suddenly, a shot rang out.

Actually, I didn’t hear the shot. Other sensory organs were impacted, though.

The odour spread through the house like a black miasma. I sat upright, knowing the dire truth: he was here. I gathered myself and went out to warn the children. If we were lucky, perhaps this time we would win. Perhaps he would not escape to terrorize us again.

The children were in the process of quietly closing the French doors to the living room, and writing us a note. It seems the kids had already jacklighted the odoriferous intruder.

That’s right. Pepe had perished at the hands of the Hicksville Children.

The 14-year-old had stepped outside to feed the cats, only to find a black-and-white interloper underfoot, polishing off the leavings in the food dish. Fortunately, the skunk did not react to her presence.

She ducked back inside, and the gambit was quickly arranged. She shone a light out the mudroom window onto the step, while her older brother took up a sniper post at the kitchen window.

Whaddaya know? It only took one bullet.

The kids then closed the door to our end of the house and wrote a note for their father’s early morning departure: WARNING: SKUNK ON PORCH.

Just in case we didn’t notice.

I slept with my head under two quilts for most of the night. When that got too suffocating, I stuck my face in my husband’s armpit for relief.

Today, Dave’s been having a great day, offering me the use of his armpit for an air filter.

And that’s the Hicksville news for this week.


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  1. Oh, my goodness!!! What an amazing event! Someone is a crack shot. I used to like to sleep with my head under the covers but couldn’t because it would get too stuffy. But one of the side benefits of sleep apnea is the machine that allows me to breathe at night, which also supplies fresh air even under the covers. I wonder if it would have “filtered” out the skunk odor as well. We used to have skunks quite often in IL, but since I moved to AZ I haven’t seen one. I believe they are here, but perhaps not as plentiful. Poor Pepe-Le-Peu!

    1. We learned on our educational homeschooling road trip that AZ has about a bazillion skunks in the Sedona area (forested, along Oak Creek where there’s year-round water). We drove past at least one roadkill stench every day on our way out to go sightseeing.

  2. Mop the porch with febreeze (don’t know for sure if the febreeze will work, but it did pretty well on my wifes dog), and then scatter mothballs around (read it in field and stream about___ years ago). and teach sniper guy to wait until they are DOWNwind of the house…:)

    1. It rained, which helped, but I’m thinking maybe a solid vinegar treatment. Of course, we do need to build a new step. This incident may accelerate that process, as the current one now sports a red splat-shaped welcome mat in addition to the odour.

      I was just pleased Sniper Guy got the thing even in the dark. Not so pleased about the toll it’s taking on us every time we step out the door…

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