The Untold Children’s View

I’m not in a position to remark much on this–I’m not familiar with the study under discussion or the issues raised about it–but the article definitely is a thought-provoking personal perspective. One of the most insightful things I’ve read about life responsibilities, self versus altruism, and the relative weight of importance we place on sex and personal pleasure, regardless of the orientation involved.

Between 1973 and 1990, when my beloved mother passed away, she and her female romantic partner raised me….

Where do children of LGBT parents come from? If the parents are 100-percent gay or lesbian, then the chances are that the children were conceived through surrogacy or insemination, or else adopted. Those cases are such a tiny percentage of LGBT parents, however….

Most LGBT parents are, like me, and technically like my mother, “bisexual”—the forgotten B. We conceived our children because we engaged in heterosexual intercourse. Social complications naturally arise if you conceive a child with the opposite sex but still have attractions to the same sex. Sherkat calls these complications disqualifiable, as they are corrupting the purity of a homosexual model of parenting….

…Bisexual parents threaten the core of the LGBT parenting narrative—we do have a choice to live as gay or straight, and we do have to decide the gender configuration of the household in which our children will grow up…Unlike homosexuals, we cannot write off our decisions as things forced on us by nature. We have no choice but to take responsibility for what we do as parents, and live with the guilt, regret, and self-criticism forever.

As a man, though I am bisexual, I do not get to throw away the mother of my child as if she is a used incubator. I had to help my wife through the difficulties of pregnancy and postpartum depression. When she is struggling with discrimination against mothers or women at a sexist workplace, I have to be patient and listen. I must attend to her sexual needs. Once I was a father, I put aside my own homosexual past and vowed never to divorce my wife or take up with another person, male or female, before I died. I chose that commitment in order to protect my children from dealing with harmful drama, even as they grow up to be adults. When you are a parent, ethical questions revolve around your children and you put away your self-interest . . . forever.

Growing Up With Two Moms: The Untold Children’s View, by Robert Oscar Lopez
http://www.thepublicdiscourse.com/2012/08/6065

I can, however, note that on the 100% hetero side of the picture, social complications naturally arise if you conceive a child with someone of the opposite sex, and then maintain an attraction to someone else of the opposite sex. The hetero culture likes to disqualify those complications too, as they corrupt the purity of a “free” model of parenting.

It seems these apparent poles in the culture have more commonality than one might think, to hear politicians talk. We are all people trying to figure things out. I suspect the most vocal extremes on any side of the culture, however idealistic, don’t necessarily represent the daily burdens of most of us.

Scienda

One comment

  1. “We are all people trying to figure things out. I suspect the most vocal extremes on any side of the culture, however idealistic, don’t necessarily represent the daily burdens of most of us”

    So True.

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