This post is not about the culpability of parents versus those who claim to teach them. I believe personal responsibility is an obvious issue, and one well addressed by others on this topic. This is written to those on the sidelines, wondering what, if anything, to do or say about certain teachings within the Christian homeschooling community.
For those not in those circles, the kerfuffle is over kids getting beaten to death by parents who, when faced with criminal charges, cite Michael and Debi Pearls’ child-raising methods (No Greater Joy Ministry) as their appeal to authority. (For a clear summary analysis of the current child death case and the connection, see Dana’s article. Also, here is a review of the Pearls’ book from a concerned dad.) Links summarizing the events and some key reactions are posted on Scienda’s homepage.
Like a lot of Christian homeschooling parents out there, I too have been handed material by Michael and Debi Pearl. Not the book, actually, but their ministry magazine. Well, TulipGirl asked who’s speaking out about this matter. Looks like I am.
Let me throw all the weight I can behind what I’m about to say: I am speaking not just as a homeschooling parent, past Children’s Church leader and Bible-believer, but as a published homeschooling writer and editor, co-author of an eclectic/unschooling book, and as an assistant co-ordinator of a Christian conference dedicated to biblical discernment and teaching:
This is wrong. All wrong.
As I watch reaction to the discipline/deadly assault issue unfold, I’m really not even sure where to begin my thoughts. As a relative (15 years) newcomer to a religious culture that’s been developing on this continent for a few hundred years, this is one of those moments where I sit back and look around myself in stunned amazement. I feel like I’ve been dropped into the world of the hunt for the last dodo in a Looney Toons episode.
The Voice of a Parent?
Children will blame themselves when no one else does. And when no one blames them, they lose connection with the only authority that can forgive and restore…
When a child is bound in self-blame and low self-esteem, parents are not helpless. God has given them the gift of the rod. The rod can bring repentance, but it goes much deeper than that. The rod in the hands of a righteous authority will supply the child’s soul with that moment of judgment that he feels he so deserves. Properly applied, with instruction, it will absolve the child of guilt, cleanse his soul, and give him a fresh start through a confidence that all indebtedness is paid. The rod meets a psychological need in the child’s soul.
~From the No Greater Joy website, article by Michael Pearl, 2001
Woo-oo…. (Twirling finger by ear) Jesus is a piece of 1/4-inch plastic pipe from Home Depot now…
For contrast, the aforementioned concerned dad’s words:
“When I was yet young I determined that I would rear no sissies.” This tells a lot about the author’s thought processes. The idea of ignoring children’s falls and injuries to “toughen them up” is ludicrous.
Which of these people sounds like a parent?
True Ministry Purpose
It concerns me to see someone take on a ministry platform and use it to claim his methods are “God’s way” of child-raising. Oh, and to laugh at and deride concerns raised when children die. This amounts to a mockery of the parents and extended families who have lost children, and lost their own way in the search for “perfect” parenting, to the point of becoming murderers in the name of God. To put it into church jargon, I cannot think of a more Satanic reaction to the situation than Michael Pearl’s.
The fact is that people in the evangelical culture are conditioned to have a certain reaction to positions of authority. I personally don’t believe it’s a really healthy reaction. Rather than playing to it, a pastor’s calling should be to teach critical thinking skills (Acts 17:11), not reinforce the deliberate shutting down of independent thought in both parents and children.
True Source of Authority
So, as a Bible-believing, complementarian, conservative, homeschooling, community leader, let me say this: Don’t pass your friends a book that requires you quietly mutter, “Some things about it are, er…” It belongs in the garbage can. If you believe in the sufficiency of Scripture, you do not need the help of tainted material. You have God’s help. Don’t be even a partial advocate for such material. An ounce of arsenic, in this case, is literally deadly to the whole dish, because there is an underlying heart attitude to it which cannot help but be threaded throughout all. Stand up, speak up, obey from a free and passionate heart for God. Search the Scriptures for yourself. Develop your own convictions. I would rather you be an atheist than a man who can laugh off the deaths of children at the hands of parents in the name of God. I believe there is hope for the atheist.
Gospel Perspective
The good news, the euangelion, is that you can hug your small child when she’s done wrong, be patient when she fails — even laugh off “failure”! — not only because Christ died for us, but because, in Scriptural terms, even evil men know how to give good gifts to their children (Matt. 7:11, cf. Luke 11:13). This is well within natural human standards, all religious beliefs aside, and the Bible acknowledges that. Moreover, the Gospel message is forgiveness of sin. And in direct contradiction of the Pearls’ assertion that children must be beaten because they only understand guilt and retribution, not forgiveness — unless we become like little children, we cannot see the Kingdom of Heaven. (Matt. 18:3)
“This is the bread which came down out of heaven; not as the fathers ate and died; he who eats this bread will live forever.” These things He said in the synagogue as He taught in Capernaum.
Therefore many of His disciples, when they heard this said, “This is a difficult statement; who can listen to it?”
But Jesus, conscious that His disciples grumbled at this, said to them, “Does this cause you to stumble? What then if you see the Son of Man ascending to where He was before? It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing; the words that I have spoken to you are spirit and are life. But there are some of you who do not believe.”
For Jesus knew from the beginning who they were who did not believe, and who it was that would betray Him.
~John 6:58-64
“this is one of those moments where I sit back and look around myself in stunned amazement.”
i, too, am a relative newcomer to Christ – having been here in this realm just 8 yrs and, at times, look around at the wider Christian culture today and am just so confused and angry at the seemingly complete mess of things that have been made by people teaching non-Biblical truths as just that.
maybe it is the latecomer status that helps us to ‘see’ – i don’t know about you but i have read every word in the Bible and continue reading everyday and it seems to me that too many of the folks who’ve been raised in this faith haven’t actually read it all and there-in lies their ability to be so mislead…
i am so hopeful that this current nightmare of crimes against children will cause many believers to start reading their Bibles and holding every little bit of advice they get against that book – not the word of some so-called experts!
Debbie, this is very true. My husband Dave, who grew up in a Christian home, fully agrees. His family has been one to buck the trend, and had heavy damage aimed at them for doing so. Not all have come through with their faith intact.
It is very difficult to filter out the lifetime presuppositional static that comes from layer upon layer of teaching. A person can feel like they’re going crazy or have lost touch with reality because others around them seem SO certain of “The Truth.”
I’ve encountered that whole “The Truth” thing a lot in my search for a church to call home – it is one of the main reasons that after 8 yrs I still don’t have one – that and the fact that out of all the churches I’ve visited only at one of them did the pastor make a point to say hi – often no one says hi – they just ignore the newby – that that is NOT my idea of Christian fellowship!
won’t have their books in my house. a friend once brought one round to ‘offer’ me, and I invited her in for tea and made her leave it out on the doorstep. ‘I mean it,’ I said, ‘I will not have that trash in my house – because whosoever shall offend one of these little ones that believe in me, it is better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he were cast into the sea.’
evil nutters. end of.
Thinking back to my pre-Popery days, one of the things we were taught that set us apart from those of statues, stinks, and bells was the perception that we Protestants read the Bible for ourselves and discerned God’s Will for our lives. You didn’t just accept the word of an earthly Authority.
Since I pole-vaulted the Tiber, I’ve come to learn what’s expected of those of us who wine and dine each Sunday morning is to look at the teachings that come from our church, read our Bibles on the subject (yeah, those of us who take it seriously do indeed look it up—which explains why I have a bunch of different translations, including the KJB, NIV, RSV (Protestant), New Jerusalem, American (Catholic), St. Joseph’s, NRSV (Catholic), and RSV (Catholic), staring back at me from my desk, end table, nightstand, and backpack), weigh the teaching authority’s arguments and shape our courses accordingly. This is the teachings, not the Doctrine of the Church. Doctrine you have to accept or you’re not a Catholic (or you’re one in deep trouble). A reasonable explanation of Doctrine and what it means from our side of the river can be found at:
Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roman_Catholic_Dogma
EWTN: http://www.ewtn.com/vexperts/showmessage.asp?number=564105&Pg=Forum8&Pgnu=2&recnu=35
What I’m seeing with the present brouhaha seems to be a case of acceptance of Authority without thinking about the underlying reasons for its pronouncements—something that a lot of Catholics tended to do (as do a lot of people in other organized religions). Sometimes this comes from a lack of confidence in one’s ability to reason things out, or being blinded by the supposed eminence of the person speaking, or sheer laziness. We listen to religious professionals for the same reason we listen to auto mechanics, it’s their area of specialization. On the other hand, an eyebrow ought to go up when said professional tells you a tail light is out when you’re seeing Krakatau erupting from under the hood.
Just my two sestertii.
@Debbie
Yes, we’re in the same position currently, having left a church about a year ago…it’s a tough one. A person wants to be spiritually fed, but not spiritually dominated.
@Jackie
Good for you, dear. What saddened me in doing the pre-reading for this post was to encounter testimony of a woman who had a wooden spoon forced into her hand at church, from the church kitchen, and told to give her 3-year-old a sound paddling because he wanted to sit in grownup church instead of going down to Sunday School.
…And dang me, I’ve lost the link reference, which puts me in the realm of hearsay…
She was so intimidated she couldn’t find a thing to say and ended up avoiding confrontation. Blessedly, she also avoided confrontation with her childin the wisest manner, and the little guy stayed with her for the service.
To me, that is threatening another woman’s child, even if indirectly. I would not let my baby out of sight after something like that.
@Walt
This is some brilliant commentary. Thank you so much — your sestertii have an excellent exchange rate around here.
I’m familiar with the tripartite of doctrine, priesthood and tradition. It might come across as ironic to some, but Roman theology is my second strongest area, after evangelical wacky-filtering. As I see it, you are absolutely right in your appraisal of the authority issue among evangelicals.
I have a suggestion in the name of consistency: if this guy really believes this stuff*, he should hire someone to follow him around to switch him 5-10 times every single time he makes a mistake or sins.
Just a thought…
*I was unaware of him previously, btw, so I suppose I’m relying on your authority here–go easy on me, Walt:)
the pipe would have to be proportionately bigger though.
Marc in Texas, meet Jackie in England…fewer differences than one might think…
He’s from the sinless perfection school, Marc…explains much, eh.
Eh. It does…OK, there’ll need to be an independent observer hired alongside the switcher
Word order: In proper Canardian, it would be, “Oh yeah, it does, eh.”
“independent observer”
I think it could probably be filled in a volunteer capacity at this point. There’s enough folks real upset…
The conservative community has covered for this because Pearl’s falsely invoked libertarian rhetoric, and there’s this idea attached that if they back down on this, parents will lose their right to discipline etc. One of the major Christian homeschooling magazines went so far as to interview one of the Pearls’ daughters on how normal and happy her life has been in order to prove how misunderstood these teachings are.
As sis and I were just discussing, that’s bass ackwards. This is how a community loses its rights, by covering for evil and forcing the authorities to take action. Hue and cry to ban spanking altogether is already ensuing. If the Christian homeschooling community were willing to hold itself to accurate biblical standards, I’d suggest there’d need be no worry over loss of legal freedoms due to biblical parenting. There will always be worldview conflict in politics, but this has created the very scenario of pseudo-martyrdom it claims to stand against.
Rantrantrant…
“As sis and I were just discussing, that’s bass ackwards.”
Exactly. I suspected as much, but didn’t know enough about your politics to comment. I think you’re spot on; don’t cover, don’t circle the wagons. Call this for what it is-an aberration or a denial of the views and actions of your homeschooling community. You’ve taken an excellent first step and the rant is justified.
“There will always be worldview conflict in politics, but this has created the very scenario of pseudo-martyrdom it claims to stand against.”
Well said, as usual.
“Call this for what it is-an aberration or a denial of the views and actions of your homeschooling community.”
We intend to, as time permits. Dave’s in on the theology side of things, and I’m sure will have some parenting wisdom as well. We aim to assemble some critical analysis of some of the ministry’s key web articles for use by concerned parties and as a balancing resource for those browsing online. The problem is that both detractors and adherents are quickly turning it into an ad hominem issue, whereas the materials must be looked at in their own right. NGJ being a $1.7 million-a-year ministry (unconfirmed by Scienda, but gives a sense of the potential scope if it’s anywhere close at all), this is obviously how the majority of users of the material would experience it, rather than within some personal context of the authors’ family life.
PS I see you are wearing little Tiger Lily’s “7″ badge for this conversation…solidarity with the little lambs noted and appreciated.
I’m glad that you and Dave will be digging into the theological side of things. . . because I believe that is where the root of the problem is — and I believe (hope?) that many Christian homeschoolers will be able to see past the “folksy wisdom” of Michael and Debi Pearl when they realize that what is being taught is so theologically off that their “child training” ideas are in no way Biblically defensible.
“NGJ being a $1.7 million-a-year ministry (unconfirmed by Scienda, but gives a sense of the potential scope if it’s anywhere close at all),”
That is accurate. You can get a copy of the most recent IRS 990 form at Guidestar.com — free registration. In spite of not wanting their daughters to have marriage licenses and beholden to the state, the Pearls seem to be meticulous on their tax reporting. Interesting reading, if you like that sort of thing. (Okay, I admit it. . . I’m a 990 geek.)
WOW! I can’t imagne enjoying looking at tax info….. Each to his/her own, I guess. As for this nearly unbelievable twisting of scripture, it’s altogether too common. Maybe not to this intensity, but I know a family or two personally that are heavily leaning this way. No amount of coaxing from scripture or otherwise has been able to change their minds. The problem in these cases, were that they were following a man and not Christ. ‘The pastor said this is the correct wat to raise our kids and who are we to argue?’ Check your brain at the door and open your wallet……..
“WOW! I can’t imagne enjoying looking at tax info”
LOL As if. You’re used to these things, being married to one such.
“Check your brain at the door and open your wallet……..”
That’s why those of us who enjoy looking at tax info have a vital service to perform.
“I believe (hope?) that many Christian homeschoolers will be able to see past the “folksy wisdom” of Michael and Debi Pearl when they realize that what is being taught is so theologically off that their “child training” ideas are in no way Biblically defensible.”
It’s the intimidation factor that really has to be countered, I believe. There should not be fear over discussing this stuff, as if we’re all going to be dragged off to jail if we don’t toe the line. Or worse, we’ll find out we’re irreparable sinners and homeschool failures…
“(Okay, I admit it. . . I’m a 990 geek.)”
Same here, in Canadian terms. Thanks for the tip on the American side of things.
there is a forum called gentle christian mothers, of which I am a long time and shamefully inactive member, and within the private section, there is I believe a protected group for those damaged by and recovering from the likes of the Pearls.
If you are looking to research, it might do you no harm to go on the more open section (I think you have to join) and just ask if anyone would like to share their story with you. It’ s nailbitingly bad.
the problem is, it can all look good on the surface – I have another good example, but I think I’ll send you that one by email. just in case
“forum called gentle christian mothers” – can you please post a link? I’d like to check it out
http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/
“I think I’ll send you that one by email”
Got it. Thanks!
I will check into the forums. TulipGirl’s listing of those speaking out includes some blogs run by women who’ve escaped the extreme fundamentalist/quiverfull movement. (updated list here) This is becoming more and more public…
I guess since we haven’t been deeply involved in this strain of doctrine, I’m now feeling a sense of horror at how long it’s taken people to twig on this. How long it’s taken me. Pearls’ book has been out since 1994. I’m ashamed of myself for not writing on Sean Paddock last year and taking further investigative steps at the time. It seemed people were addressing it. It’s obviously not enough.
Reproduced with permission:
A GCM Statement: It is Time to Speak Out Against the Teachings of Michael and Debi Pearl
This statement may be re-posted in its entirety.
The admins of Gentle Christian Mothers (GCM) have felt led at this time, as we mourn the loss of seven year old Lydia Shatz[1], to issue a statement of disagreement with Michael and Debi Pearl and their child rearing methods. Not only are their methods extreme and outside the realm of normal and healthy child rearing practices, but the doctrinal foundation for these methods contain a level of heresy, including denial of the Christian doctrine of original sin[2][3], which leave them without biblical basis and at odds with the truth that all are in need of salvation which has been provided through Jesus alone[4].
Though the Pearls affirm the value of relationships in parenting in their attractive “tying heartstrings” message, their harsh teachings are in diametric contrast to building healthy relationships. They advocate “training” and “chastisement” of children, starting in infancy[5][6], using methods and means not described in Scripture — including using ¼ inch plumber’s supply line as a spanking instrument[7] and claiming that a “proper spanking leaves children without breath to complain”[8] — for stated purposes of absolving guilt and cleansing the child’s soul[9].
The combination of an adversarial us vs. them mindset where the parents must “win,” physically “disciplining” children until they surrender their will and show total submission, and false doctrine makes the Pearls’ methods dangerous. They present a very distorted picture to the world of what it means to be a follower of Jesus and a Christian parent in the world today. It is time for Michael and Debi Pearl to be held accountable for their teachings. We urge other Christians to join us in speaking out against what Michael and Debi Pearl have been teaching for far too long.
References
1. Godly discipline turned deadly: A controversial child “training” practice comes under fire — this time from Christians themselves, Lynn Harris, Feb. 22, 2010
2. Second Council of Orange (529)
3. Teaching tape on Romans 5:12-21 by M. Pearl
4. “Michael Pearl on Original Sin: An Analysis,” Catez Stevens, October 11, 2005
5. To Train Up a Child, M. Pearl, D. Pearl, chapter 1
6. “In Defense of Biblical Chastisement Part 2,” M. Pearl, October 2001
7. Ibid.
8. “Angry Child,” M. Pearl, August 1998
9. “In Defense of Biblical Chastisement Part 1,” M. Pearl, May 2001
__________________
The GCM Admin Team
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I was new to homeschooling and blogging when Sean Paddock died. I read through the Pearl’s website then. I didn’t think things through as well as you have.
“These truths are not new, deep insights from the professional world of research, rather, the same principles the Amish use to train their stubborn mules, the same technique God uses to train his children.” (Michael Pearl, To Train Up a Child)
My kids are not animals. This is secular behaviorism wrapped up in Christian-ese. And, I am beginning to be very annoyed with the God-way parenting community who assume if I parented their way, I could have prevented the outcome our family is currently walking.
That is SO incorrect, so unthinking towards Bat-Oni as well as you. (Dave, over my shoulder: “Ugh. Buncha freaks.”) *cough* Erm, this is the opinion thread.
Both Sean and Lydia were adopted older, which implies a good probability of attachment issues. In an article on “defiance,” Pearl specifically advocates dealing with RAD-like behaviour through severe, ongoing discipline until the child “submits.”
This post has so much good to say about the realities of those unique situations.